For years, I did wrong things, thought wrong thoughts, said wrong words. Finally, in the latter part of my life, I have done the right thing. This has cost me. It has cost me tears, turmoil, and the loss of family connections. There are those who say that what I have done is wrong because it conjures up ghosts from the past and resurrects those hideous memories to bring them into present daylight, thereby causing pain.

When one is haunted by something, the only way to cleanse oneself of that haunting is to bring it out into the light. Although I cannot discuss what it is that I have brought out into the light, I am convinced that it was absolutely the right thing to do. It will cleanse not only myself, but many, many other people. That which has haunted us all will be exposed and dealt with. There will be peace and justice and new life.

Years ago, I made a decision for myself that was wildly unpopular with a group of my so-called friends. They turned on me like rabid dogs, and I was devastated by their reactions. For at least a month, I hid away from all contact because I was afraid, depressed, and unsure.

A dear man who is no longer on this planet called me. He asked me this question: "If you had to make that decision again, knowing that people would react the way they have, would you still do it?" I hesitated for a moment and then said: "Yes." He said: "Then, stand by your decision and yourself. Life isn't a popularity contest, Jan. To thine own self be true."

For the first time in my life, I understood what "To thine own self be true" meant. It isn't about selfishness. It's about being able to speak the truth and live with the consequences. It's about having the courage to stick up for oneself, even if others think you are way off base. It's about knowing who you really are, and being willing to be who you really are, even if it means losing the affections of people you care about.

It isn't about doing or saying things that are deliberately hurtful, or pursuing one's own selfish agenda. It's knowing that you are doing the right thing, not only for yourself, but for others. It's knowing where you stand and how you operate, and being willing to face opposition for speaking out about it. "To thine own self be true" gives no one license to hurt others, but it does allow one to realize right and wrong, and to elect to do the right thing---even if opposed for it. I didn't come by this decision lightly, nor did I make it alone. I made the decision I made after long counsel and much discussion. I have come to acknowledge that what I have done is right. I am no longer afraid of the consequences.

I am being true to myself. And being true to others.