There aren't any excuses. I've been lazy. Lazy about cleaning. Lazy about getting my car up to date. Lazy about contacting help for my financial woes. Lazy about getting to necessary gatherings of folks who can help me keep clean and sober.
It's as if I entered a vast, lethargic phase that allows me to sleep long hours and wish to do nothing but doodle on the computer and take baths. Nothing that requires thought or work.
It isn't the same thing as the typical depression that my brain is wired to produce. It's not a chemical imbalance. It's thought imbalance. Or rather, lack of thought imbalance. I don't want to think about anything important. I want to hide. I want to dodge anything remotely resembling an idea.
The compassionate among my fellow travelers would tell me that this phase is a natural reaction to a stressful week, and that I am merely recharging my batteries. That it should be so simple. Rigorous honesty prevents me from using that escape route. The truth is, I shut the business of me down for a week and lost productivity.
On this evening, I shall attempt to jump-start the process all over again and meet with my fellow sober folks. I will not try to hide tonight. I will suit up and show up.
The truth is: I am prone to be lazy. No way around it.
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