Dr. M. Scott Peck died on September 25, 2005.
I don't remember where I was and what I was doing on that day, but perhaps I felt a twinge of sadness and didn't recognize it for what it was. A man who had greatly influenced my life had ceased to exist on this planet, and I wasn't aware of it. A few months prior to his passing, I looked up his website and learned that he wasn't well and that neither he nor his family could be contacted. I had toyed with the idea of sending him a letter telling him how profoundly his writings had affected me over the years; your typical fan letter. When I learned he was ill, I discarded the notion.
I remember when I first heard of the man, M. Scott Peck. My mother, who never gave up hope that one day I would pull my head out of my ass and learn to function as a normal human being, gave me a copy of "The Road Less Traveled". It was a best seller at the time, and she had read it herself, finding a lot more of interest in it than I had when she gave me my copy. I remember cracking it open for the first time, reading the first line in it: "Life is difficult.", and then tossing it aside with some sort of expletive.
I was twenty-two, immature, stupid, selfish, and wallowing in drugs, booze, sex, and other such hedonistic distractions. Work was what I did to earn enough money to do the distractions. Such things as rent, bills...those were things that interfered with my pastimes. Dr. Peck's book meant little to nothing to me. I wasn't deeply interested in changing who I was. I expected people around me to change to suit my fancy, and that was that. I was destined to be a rock star or Oscar-winning actress, and in the meantime, I was going to pursue my self-centered activities and pleasures as I saw fit. To hell with responsibility. To hell with earning a good living. All that would come to me from the great Sky Fairy who would one day reward my talent with the bounties I had come to expect were my birthright. Nothing like attaching a big ego to a small mind.
In my early thirties, somewhat settled down with a small child, a husband, and a job I had stuck with long enough to get promoted, I picked up another copy of "The Road Less Traveled". This time, I actually got past the first line. Some of what he wrote made sense, but I argued with most of his ideas. That love was: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Oh, please. Love wasn't a feeling? Are you kidding me? Of course it was! I felt love all the time. What a dry and unromantic definition, I thought.
Terms like "cathexis" and "dependency" made me shrink. Love was supposed to be a series of explosions, wasn't it? If you asked my husband then, he would have probably asked that the explosions cease. I was an explosive person. I demanded what I thought were signs of love from him---completely disregarding who he was, what he was capable of, and what his own needs and desires were. It wasn't about HIM, goddamnit. It was ME. When I didn't get my way, I blew up. Oddly enough, we were divorced after only a few years. He didn't really love me, I said. He was a jerk, I said. He was selfish and uncaring, I said. Dr. Peck was wrong, I said.
I didn't touch "The Road Less Traveled", or any other book by M. Scott Peck until many years later. By that time, I had entered into recovery and gained sobriety and a willingness to change. When, in the fourth year of my recovery, I once again picked up Dr. Peck's first major work and read it again, it was as if I had never read it before. I was astonished at his wisdom. The ideas about personal responsibility and spiritual growth and how love is WORK---Why, they all made sense! Of course! This new recognition was courtesy of a Twelve Step program, my Higher Power, and the collective wisdom of those who were making the journey of recovery with me. At last, what Dr. Peck had penned all those years ago clicked with me.
In this, my middle age, I still have "The Road Less Traveled" as part of my personal library. It has become almost as invaluable to me as religious tomes are to the religious. I often quote from it. What was taught to me through this great book has stayed with me. What I learned from it has helped me in friendships, work situations, and with my partner. Because of what I have absorbed and incorporated into myself from Peck, I think of my partner as a loving, caring, separate being who has chosen to spend his life with me; and that it is up to me to be that same person right back at him. He isn't an extension of myself. He wasn't put on this planet to serve my needs or heal my old wounds. He is a gift, and I am to cherish him as he cherishes me. I am to extend myself willingly for his spiritual growth, as he encourages me along the same path.
In a way, I guess, this blog is a fan letter to Dr. Peck. His other books are wonderful in their own ways, but it is "The Road Less Traveled" which will stand the test of time and remain a source of inspiration and power to many for years to come. I am only one person who was touched by him. Here's hoping there are many more out there who will discover his gift to the universe.
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